Eating Disorders and Control
If you’ve ever talked about eating disorders for more than five seconds…
…someone always drops the classic line: "It’s not about the food; it’s about control.” Boom. Case closed, right?
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Well, not exactly. Because what does that even mean? Control over what? Your body? Your feelings? Your life? And why does control even matter so much? That’s where things get interesting.
I’ll admit, this topic has been sitting on the back burner for a while. But recently, I went down a little AI rabbit hole (shoutout to my chatbot frenemy, Gemini) for kicks because I was curious, and asked for an episode outline on eating disorders and control. Let’s just say... it was a reminder of why I started this podcast in the first place. Because spoiler alert: “Just accept that you can’t control everything” is not the revolutionary insight we need.
So today, we’re getting into it. Not in some vague, theoretical, “let’s throw around big words” way, but in a way that actually helps us understand what’s happening—whether in our own relationships with food or in the work we do with others.
We’re breaking down what control really means when we talk about eating disorders. Why some people seek it, why others reject it, and how it ties into our emotions, our sense of self, and the general chaos of being a human. Because trust me—this topic is way more layered than “people with eating disorders just want control.”
If we’re going to move away from using food as an emotional coping tool, we first need to understand why we’re using it in the first place.
In this episode, I'm talking about:
How the idea that eating disorders are about "control" is overly simplistic.
The vagueness of "control" and why it means different things to different people.
How eating disorders are more about managing emotions than seeking control (which I guess means people want control over their emotional experiences and how it feels to them).
The role of chaos, distress, and emotional regulation in eating disorders.
Why emotional awareness and organization are key to recovery.
The difficulty of replacing eating disorder behaviors due to their strong regulatory function.
Developing early coping skills to tolerate distress without disordered behaviors.
Learning to trust oneself to navigate emotions instead of seeking immediate relief.
The importance of expanding emotional vocabulary and body awareness.
Differentiating emotions, identifying triggers, and addressing internal resistance.
Breaking down overwhelming emotions into manageable parts.
The value of being witnessed, validated and expressing emotions in words.
How supportive environments reinforce the belief that emotions can be endured.
Tweetable Quotes
"Eating disorders are not about the food. It's about something deeper." - Rachelle Heinemann
"Eating disorders are ways to moderate our emotions." - Rachelle Heinemann
"One of the biggest, most important questions to ask is, ‘I know which emotion I'm feeling now, am I allowed to [feel it]?’”- Rachelle Heinemann
"Building up your tolerance for experiencing parts of your emotional experience will actually help you bring up your tolerance overall of emotions." - Rachelle Heinemann
"There is a big difference between acting out anger and saying it in words.” - Rachelle Heinemann
Resources
Bergen Mental Health Group Inc. is hiring! If you think you’d be a great fit, check it out!
Learn about our 6 week body image group! If you're interested, send an email to me (rachelle@rachelleheinemann.com), or you can book a call with Sydney to see if this would be a good fit!
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Related Episodes
Episode 115. How To Recover When Everyone Around You Is Dieting
Episode 94. Unraveling the Truth: It's Not About the Food
Episode 73. Food and Desire with Dr. Judith Brisman
Episode 67. Is It All About Control?
Episode 64. When Words Fail and Bodies Speak with Tom Wooldridge PsyD, ABPP, FIPA, CEDS-S
Episode 30. Eating Disorders are the Solution not the Problem with Jessica Setnick, MS,RD, CEDRD-S
Episode 27. Eating Disorders and the Mind/Body Disconnect with Danielle Novack, Ph.D
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Hey there! I’m Rachelle, the host of the Understanding Disordered Eating Podcast. As a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, I work with clients to make sense of life’s messy emotional experiences.
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